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In a Tiny Buddha essay, psychotherapist and author Steve Hauptman argues that people cannot keep every area of life in order at once: choices bring tradeoffs. He describes learning to see unfinished tasks and competing priorities as signs of choices made, not proof of personal failure.
Psychotherapist Steve Hauptman argues in a Tiny Buddha essay that people cannot get every part of life right at the same time, and that accepting the costs of everyday choices can reduce the sense of failure that comes with competing priorities. The piece is a personal reflection, not a study or clinical finding, and draws on Hauptman’s experience with work, family, household tasks and a hospital visit.
Hauptman frames the problem through a Rubik’s Cube metaphor: trying to make one side orderly can leave the others scrambled. He describes wanting to see clients, manage chores, spend time with family, write a book, earn money, rest and maintain friendships, while recognizing that time and attention do not allow him to do everything at once.
He identifies what he calls three paradoxes of control. In his account, needing more control can make a person feel less in control; trying to control others can prompt them to push back; and gaining control in one area can mean giving it up elsewhere. These are Hauptman’s interpretations, illustrated with examples such as work success alongside family estrangement and using alcohol to manage feelings while becoming dependent on it. The essay does not present these examples as research findings.
His practical shift is to treat an untidy house or a day spent writing as evidence of a choice rather than proof that he has failed. “Inside every ‘yes’ there’s a ‘no,’” he writes, describing how focusing on one priority means leaving another undone. He says he is still learning to accept those tradeoffs, rather than expecting choices to come without costs.
The Cost of Competing Priorities
The essay speaks to a familiar pressure: judging oneself against the expectation that work, relationships, health, leisure and household responsibilities can all be kept fully on track at once. Hauptman’s account offers a personal framework for understanding tradeoffs, rather than evidence that one approach works for everyone.
That distinction matters because the piece uses language about “control addiction” and gives examples involving depression and alcohol. Hauptman presents these as part of his own way of thinking about control; the essay does not establish a diagnosis or offer treatment guidance. Its central point is narrower: an unfinished task may reflect a competing choice, not necessarily a failure of character or effort.
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A Personal Essay on Control
Tiny Buddha published the essay under the title “When You Can’t Get Everything Right at Once.” The source identifies Hauptman as an LCSW, psychotherapist and author of Monkeytraps: Why We Try to Control Everything and How We Can Stop, published in 2015, with a revised edition described as forthcoming in the source material.
The piece develops its argument through everyday examples before recounting a medical scare. Hauptman says a routine physical produced a cardiogram “blip” that his doctor thought could suggest a transient ischemic attack, or TIA, and told him to go to the emergency room. He says he felt fine, waited for tests, cancelled six client sessions and worried about his family and the cost. He recounts taking a nap during the wait as a sign that he was more able to accept circumstances he could not control.
“Inside every “yes” there’s a “no.””
— Steve Hauptman, in the Tiny Buddha essay
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Limits of the Essay’s Claims
The source is a first-person essay, not a report of a new study, formal clinical guidance or independently verified medical account. It does not provide evidence for how common the experiences it describes are, or whether accepting tradeoffs has the same effects for other people.
Hauptman says the cardiogram showed a blip that suggested a possible TIA and that he went to the emergency room for testing. The essay does not state the test results, whether doctors diagnosed a TIA, or what happened after the hospital visit. It also does not specify when the essay was published.
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No Further Milestone Reported
The source material describes no announced follow-up study, event or new clinical program. The development is the publication of Hauptman’s essay and its account of how he is trying to respond to competing priorities.
For readers, the next step offered by the piece is reflective rather than scheduled: notice what a choice makes possible and what it leaves undone, without automatically treating the unfinished side as evidence of failure. Hauptman presents this as an ongoing personal practice, not a guaranteed outcome or a substitute for professional support when someone needs it.
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Key Questions
What is the news development?
Tiny Buddha published a personal essay by psychotherapist and author Steve Hauptman about accepting the tradeoffs that come with competing responsibilities.
What does Hauptman mean by “inside every yes there’s a no”?
He means that time spent on one priority is not available for another at that moment. A day spent writing may leave chores unfinished, while a day spent on chores may leave less time to write.
Is the essay based on a study?
No study is cited in the supplied source. The piece is presented as Hauptman’s personal reflection and uses examples to explain his views on control and everyday choices.
Did Hauptman say he had a TIA?
No confirmed diagnosis is reported in the essay. He says a cardiogram showed a blip that suggested a possible TIA, prompting his doctor to send him to the emergency room; the test results and diagnosis are not provided.
Source: rss
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